Dec. 11, 2025

Why God? with Kenneth Monroe

Why God? with Kenneth Monroe

Have a question or comment for Pastor Plek or one of his guests. Send it here. 377: Discover how one man found hope after losing his wife, daughter, and son in just six years. This powerful testimony explores finding God in the midst of unimaginable grief and trauma. Kenneth Monroe's story addresses childhood abuse, military PTSD, sudden death, losing a child, grief counseling, and spiritual healing. Learn practical steps for processing pain, dealing with anger toward God, and finding purpose...

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Season 4

Have a question or comment for Pastor Plek or one of his guests. Send it here.

377: Discover how one man found hope after losing his wife, daughter, and son in just six years. This powerful testimony explores finding God in the midst of unimaginable grief and trauma. Kenneth Monroe's story addresses childhood abuse, military PTSD, sudden death, losing a child, grief counseling, and spiritual healing. Learn practical steps for processing pain, dealing with anger toward God, and finding purpose after loss. This message offers hope for anyone struggling with depression, family tragedy, or questioning God's goodness during difficult times. Topics covered include honest prayer, breaking isolation, healing from trauma, rebuilding relationships, and discovering God's presence in suffering. Perfect for those seeking encouragement through loss, understanding grief stages, or supporting someone through bereavement. Whether you're dealing with sudden death of a loved one, struggling with faith after tragedy, or looking for biblical perspective on suffering, this testimony provides real-world application of Matthew 11:28 and God's invitation to find rest. Essential viewing for grief support groups, pastoral care, and anyone needing hope in dark seasons.

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00:00 - New To Church, New To Austin

01:20 - Growing Up Religious Without Relationship

04:40 - Childhood Trauma Revealed

07:15 - Early Losses And First Marriage

10:30 - Military Life And Faith Tension

12:30 - Iraq Deployment And Getting Shot

15:05 - IED And RPG Attacks

17:20 - Cancer Returns And Caregiving

19:40 - A Month To Live Becomes Two Weeks

22:00 - Grief Compounds With Aunt’s Death

24:00 - Baptism, Then Daughter’s Death

26:20 - Numbness, Anger At God, Isolation

28:30 - House Fire And Starting Over

30:10 - Meeting Andrea And A New Start

32:10 - Parenting Through Pain And Distance

34:00 - Midnight Knock: Son Killed In Crash

36:20 - Two Paths: Bitterness Or Surrender

38:20 - Writing Prayers And Returning To Jesus

40:00 - Community, Men’s Group, And Healing

42:00 - Rebuilding With Isaiah And Pride

44:00 - Daily Trust, No Isolation

46:00 - Stewarding Health And Whole-Life Worship

47:40 - God’s Goodness Amid Suffering

49:00 - An Invitation To Try God

51:00 - Prayer For The Grieving And Closing

WEBVTT

00:00:05.360 --> 00:00:07.440
And welcome back to Pastor Plex Podcast.

00:00:07.519 --> 00:00:12.400
I'm your host, Pastor Plex, and joining me today is none other than Kenneth Monroe.

00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:16.320
He's been coming to Wells Brands Community Church for how many since February.

00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:17.199
Since February.

00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:17.519
Yes.

00:00:17.679 --> 00:00:18.160
That's awesome.

00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:19.679
How'd you find out about our church?

00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:22.320
Well, my wife found it uh on the internet.

00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:26.559
She was just researching for churches and she came across it.

00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:34.479
And I remember the church because I will always come by every day on my way to Catherine and Fleisch Park where I would kind of be out there walking and jogging.

00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:37.359
And so that's how we found it through that way.

00:00:37.600 --> 00:00:38.159
That's awesome.

00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:38.479
All right.

00:00:38.560 --> 00:00:39.679
So where did you move from?

00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:41.280
And then how did we start there?

00:00:41.359 --> 00:00:45.679
And then I want to get into your story of like you have been through some unbelievable tragedy.

00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:49.200
So before we we get to that, tell me how you got to Austin.

00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:52.799
Well, we got to Austin um last year.

00:00:53.200 --> 00:01:07.920
Um my wife had asked uh who I call my adopted mother from Nigeria, yeah, um Esther, um, about um because she, my mother had received the word maybe back in 2019, 2020.

00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:12.159
And um for us to relocate to to Texas.

00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:12.879
Yeah.

00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:17.519
From from um Columbus, Georgia, Phoenix City, Alabama area.

00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:21.599
And me personally, I was against it.

00:01:22.239 --> 00:01:30.879
You know, I'm like, well, I was stationed here at Fort Hood when I was in the military, but I had no desire to come back to Texas.

00:01:31.200 --> 00:01:37.120
But my wife, you know, anytime she felt like she got a word from the Lord, she just wanted to just jump on it.

00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:38.400
She just jumped on it.

00:01:38.719 --> 00:01:48.239
So I guess five years had passed, and then 2024, she, without me even knowing it, she had been searching for a job and found one.

00:01:48.799 --> 00:02:02.159
And when she told me, I guess what, I got a job in Austin, Texas, I'm like, and that's how that's when I knew that, okay, she was serious about this and she wanted to just kind of make that move and just be obedient to God.

00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:03.760
And like, well, what's in Texas?

00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:05.840
I mean, why are we, why do we need to go to Texas?

00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:12.240
But just being submitted, I decided you know, to go ahead and take that step and relocate.

00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:15.599
So All right, let's get back to the story.

00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:19.919
How did you first become first off, where'd you grow up and then how'd you become a believer in Jesus?

00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:22.800
I I grew up in um Hollywood, Florida.

00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:23.360
Okay.

00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:30.800
Um I was born, um, lived in a small little town called Daniel Beach, uh, Florida, down there.

00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:38.240
And um my dad was an elder in the church, and my mom was a missionary in the church.

00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:46.479
So I grew up uh as I was coming up under the Pentecostal faith, you know, um, from a young age.

00:02:46.639 --> 00:03:01.120
And um, but the thing is, Pastor Chris, is even as I was growing up in a Pentecostal church, um I felt like I knew I knew about God, but I didn't really know God.

00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:02.000
Oh, really?

00:03:03.280 --> 00:03:16.800
Because it was back then, it was kind of like, okay, you you go to church and you do all these religious things, but no one really ever talked to me about what it meant to have a personal relationship.

00:03:17.439 --> 00:03:20.159
Um they just assumed everybody had one.

00:03:20.400 --> 00:03:24.400
Yes, it was just assumed that everybody had one and that wasn't the case.

00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:24.879
Right.

00:03:25.039 --> 00:03:25.360
You know?

00:03:25.759 --> 00:03:31.599
Yeah, and it uh if you don't ask specifics, then people just they learn Christianese and then they talk.

00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:51.759
And so I don't know if that's necessarily like uh you know, predominantly in that particular faith, but in general, or yeah, stream, but generally if you don't have a direct question saying, like, hey, here is what uh the Lord is speaking, or or like here's how I have a personal relationship with Jesus, and this is where it started.

00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:54.400
Here's how the Lord revealed himself to me, that kind of thing.

00:03:54.479 --> 00:03:54.639
Right.

00:03:54.719 --> 00:03:55.520
It's it's really difficult.

00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:57.840
All right, so when did that happen for you?

00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:10.080
Um because my temperament was I was so reserved and quiet, I wouldn't ask questions, but it really didn't happen until maybe 2010.

00:04:10.319 --> 00:04:11.039
Oh, okay.

00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:11.919
Yes.

00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:15.759
You know, I knew the church lingo, I went to church, but I still didn't know who Jesus was.

00:04:15.919 --> 00:04:16.240
Yeah.

00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:40.879
You know, and um growing up in a Pentecostal um household, and even as I was um I was thinking about, man, what am I gonna say, you know, and what kind of questions is are you gonna ask me, um, I shared with my mother, I told her something today that I didn't share with my biological mother while she lived.

00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:41.600
Oh, wow.

00:04:41.759 --> 00:04:47.360
And I felt like I needed to share that and and open up to her and let her in because she is a mother to me.

00:04:47.439 --> 00:04:47.839
Yeah, yeah.

00:04:48.079 --> 00:05:02.160
And one of the one things I wanted to say is when I was around nine or ten years old, um, I was uh sexually molested as a as a nine teen year old by a family member.

00:05:02.319 --> 00:05:02.879
A family member.

00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:04.240
Yep, family member.

00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:10.480
And I was threatened that if I ever told, um, they would threaten my mother.

00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:11.600
You know?

00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:18.879
So up until my mother died, I kept it to myself.

00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:20.480
How hard was that?

00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:24.879
Um, it was hard because my temperament, I was always quiet and reserved.

00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:29.360
So no one knew what was going on because I kept everything bottled up inside.

00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:34.079
I kept everything I would be thinking, but uh and I wanted to share, but I just didn't.

00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:38.800
So at nine and a half, ten years old, yes, was it a one-time or repeated times?

00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:46.560
It was a one-time thing, and I managed to make sure that I wasn't in any situations where it could happen again.

00:05:47.920 --> 00:05:49.839
And so um, yeah.

00:05:50.720 --> 00:05:51.519
Gosh.

00:05:51.920 --> 00:05:55.040
All right, so how did that affect you growing up spiritually?

00:05:58.720 --> 00:06:07.920
Maybe emotionally as well, but um to wonder if like if God really cared and loved me, why did this happen?

00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:09.839
You know.

00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:14.720
Alright, so then did you ever tell your your first wife when did you get first get married?

00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:21.759
Um I my first marriage was uh to my first wife in March of 1996.

00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:22.160
Okay.

00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:26.560
And this was uh three years after my mother had passed.

00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:33.759
My mother died in um March of 1993, and I was 20 years old at the time.

00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:48.160
And even when my mother died, there was I had family members around me, but I felt like no one ever asked how was how was I doing or how was my brother doing.

00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:48.639
Yeah, yeah.

00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:53.519
It was just like, just you're 20 years old, just push through it, continue living your life.

00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:57.759
But yet, I was I was hurting because I just lost my mother.

00:06:57.920 --> 00:06:59.199
Yeah, you know.

00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:05.759
Uh but um I met my wife, my first wife, uh 1996.

00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:06.079
Yep.

00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:09.120
In 95 I met her, and then we were married in 1996.

00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:14.720
And at the time, she had a three-year-old and a five-year-old, five-year-old daughter, and a three-year-old son.

00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:15.199
Yeah, yeah.

00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:16.720
So in 1996.

00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:20.000
Okay, and then you guys, how long were you married?

00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:24.480
If you got you have we were married for 14 years, yeah.

00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:29.600
Up until she died in June of 2010.

00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:30.720
Okay.

00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:40.000
So you've just you lose your mom at 20, then you lose your wife at how old were you?

00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:43.920
I was actually before I lost my wife, I lost my dad in between that.

00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:44.639
Oh gosh.

00:07:44.800 --> 00:07:45.040
Man.

00:07:45.279 --> 00:07:48.879
Okay, so a lot of a lot of death and a sort of struggle.

00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:50.560
Uh, how did your mom die?

00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:52.160
She died of pneumonia.

00:07:52.480 --> 00:07:53.279
Pneumonia?

00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:54.079
Yes.

00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:56.959
Okay, and then how'd your father pass?

00:07:57.279 --> 00:07:58.240
He died.

00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:05.680
I was actually stationed here at Fort Hood in 2001, is when he died.

00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:07.920
He died May 7, 2001.

00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:14.399
And my um, my son that I had with my first wife, Isaiah, he had he was born in um March.

00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:16.959
So he was actually just two months old.

00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:28.319
And so I had a painful decision to make because um he was in the hospital, and my first wife was in the hospital when I got the call that my dad had died.

00:08:28.800 --> 00:08:32.480
And so I made the painful decision to not go.

00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:43.759
Because I I felt like I didn't have anyone to help me with, you know, my wife being in the hospital, my son is in a two-month-old is in the hospital, and then we have the the younger kids.

00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:46.559
So I decided not to go to the funeral.

00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:47.200
Wow.

00:08:47.360 --> 00:08:47.679
Wow.

00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:48.080
Okay.

00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:53.919
And is that something, do you regret that, or do you think that was a good decision, or do you just kind of live in a confused state?

00:08:54.399 --> 00:08:56.799
I mean, did live with the regret.

00:08:56.960 --> 00:08:57.600
Yeah.

00:08:57.840 --> 00:09:07.360
Um, but I thought it was the right decision because I was a a new father and a husband, and I needed to be there for my family, immediate family.

00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:07.840
Yeah.

00:09:08.639 --> 00:09:13.039
Okay, so you you have you are you guys a are you going to church at this point?

00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:13.679
Are you a Christian?

00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:14.080
Yes.

00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:21.840
We we were going to church, and I and I felt like I still wasn't truly surrendered to God, to the Lord.

00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:33.600
You know, but I but I was going, you know, and uh, but I always felt like I needed to surrender, you know, but I wasn't I wasn't surrendered.

00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:36.240
How so you were in the military?

00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:36.720
Yes.

00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:40.399
Tell tell me about what it was like to be a Christian in the military.

00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:43.919
That it was hard.

00:09:44.080 --> 00:09:44.480
Yeah.

00:09:44.799 --> 00:09:48.240
Because being um Especially married.

00:09:48.480 --> 00:10:01.279
Yes, being around other soldiers, uh listening to a lot of the profanity and some of the other stuff that is going on, you know, they're partying, drinking, and that was not something um I cared about.

00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:18.159
Um so it was a difficult, but I felt like once I did make a decision for Christ, that I had to represent Christ and live out a life, you know, by saying, okay, I can't do this, I can't do that, you know.

00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:19.759
So Yeah.

00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:24.639
So so tell me about like any was there any uncomfortable situations just being in a military?

00:10:25.200 --> 00:10:25.679
Yes.

00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:31.360
Um believe or not, I was I I was I joined the Marine Corps.

00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:39.840
I started off in the Marine Corps from in 1996 to 2000, and I got out of the Marine Corps, and two weeks later I was in the Army.

00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:41.039
Two weeks.

00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.519
Yes.

00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:42.159
Hold on.

00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:44.799
So you what was your original intent when you got out?

00:10:45.039 --> 00:10:49.600
I I didn't want to get out, but I was unsure about what I wanted to do.

00:10:49.919 --> 00:10:54.320
And my wife now, Andrea, she was like, You're always, you can't stay still.

00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:59.440
You always and it and it and it showed because uh I would just bounce around.

00:10:59.600 --> 00:10:59.840
Yeah.

00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:11.600
But two weeks later, I um I got out of the Marine Corps and was in the Army, and then I was being shipped off to Fort Hood, Texas, you know, and I was there from 2000 to 2003.

00:11:11.759 --> 00:11:12.080
Yeah.

00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:14.240
And I decided to get out.

00:11:14.559 --> 00:11:18.399
And I got out, and maybe a year later I joined the Air Force Reserves.

00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:25.600
And and I and I stayed in the Air Force Reserve from 2003 to up until 2006.

00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:26.000
Yeah.

00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:29.679
Before I decided to come back into the Army in 2006.

00:11:29.919 --> 00:11:30.720
Oh, wow.

00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:31.200
Yes.

00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:32.960
And then how long did you stay in the Army?

00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:35.279
From 2006 to 2014.

00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:35.759
Okay.

00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:36.879
So did you deploy?

00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:37.440
Yes.

00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:38.639
2000.

00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:42.000
When I went back in in 2006, they reclassed me.

00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:45.279
Um, and I was in a 19th engineer battalion.

00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:45.759
Okay.

00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:52.080
And so um I was reclassed to uh 21 Whiskey at the time, which is under construction and masonry.

00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:52.639
Yeah, yeah.

00:11:52.879 --> 00:12:00.639
And so um I arrived to Fort Knox, Kentucky, but the brigade, the battalion, they were already deployed to um Iraq.

00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:03.200
And so we were in um Takrit.

00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:03.600
Yeah.

00:12:03.759 --> 00:12:06.720
And so I joined them in January of 2007.

00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:07.759
In Takrite.

00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:08.639
In Takrit.

00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:12.639
And so I got there, got acclimated with the unit.

00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:21.200
And you know, we would have these daily uh briefs, you know, they were kind of let everybody know who's going on the mission, who's not.

00:12:21.440 --> 00:12:23.840
So I finally got a call and like, hey, you're going on a mission.

00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:26.159
Sorry, I'm on roll with your unit.

00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:43.919
Um and so in January of 2007, uh January 28th, to be a in to be a Zach, um, we had a mission where we were um doing a guard tower and we were building Hesko baskets.

00:12:44.799 --> 00:12:47.679
And I was Hesko, those are the big barriers.

00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:49.039
Big barriers, yes.

00:12:49.360 --> 00:13:03.679
And me and a couple of soldiers were standing on top of a Hesiko basket, and my platoon sergeant and company commander, they were kind of dispersing the crowd on this Sunday morning of two, you know, of January 28th.

00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:04.080
Yeah.

00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:08.639
And as they were dispersing the crowd, you know, a shot rang out.

00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:13.679
No one at the moment didn't know what it was, but it took maybe a split second.

00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:19.840
When I looked down, I felt a burning sensation and realized I had been hit in the right leg.

00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:20.799
Oh gosh.

00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:23.519
And it was just like a gaping hole in your leg.

00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:24.080
In my leg.

00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:25.200
Did you fall to the ground?

00:13:25.600 --> 00:13:29.360
I fell to the ground after I came to the realization what happened.

00:13:29.519 --> 00:13:31.360
You know, it was just one shot.

00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:45.440
You know, I was Metavaced out, and and I remember when I got back to my sleeping area, I I began to ask God and say, why me?

00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:46.080
Mm-hmm.

00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:50.000
You know, it was it was almost as if like God was like, why not you?

00:13:50.159 --> 00:13:50.960
Yeah, yeah.

00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:53.840
You know, what that happened to somebody else, so why not you?

00:13:54.000 --> 00:14:00.720
And so I carried that and lived with that, you know, and was just grateful that it could have been worse.

00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:01.120
Yeah.

00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:01.600
Oh yeah.

00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:03.440
It could have been a whole lot worse.

00:14:03.679 --> 00:14:09.120
And so I was out um and didn't go back on a mission, maybe for about three months.

00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:12.320
And my next mission I went back on was in.

00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:17.200
Well, but when you got shot, they met evacuac you out, they heal up your leg.

00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:19.120
They're not like, hey, here's some RR.

00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:20.720
They're like, all right, right back out to Creek.

00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:24.240
Other soldiers were like, Why don't you go home?

00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:24.879
Yes.

00:14:25.440 --> 00:14:28.000
They were like, fake the phone, just just get out.

00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:28.639
Just get out.

00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:29.840
But I I didn't want to do that.

00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:30.639
I wanted to continue.

00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:32.720
Because there's a real sense of camaraderie with those.

00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:34.080
You don't want to leave those guys.

00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:42.080
And my RR didn't come until after the Nets incident happened, which was in June of that same year.

00:14:42.559 --> 00:14:43.519
In fact, June 4th.

00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:44.639
Like six months later.

00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:44.960
It was a big thing.

00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:45.519
Six months later.

00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:54.159
We were heading back from a mission back to our fab, and it was around 2100 uh at night.

00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:56.960
And my vehicle, which I was in, I was a TC.

00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:57.360
Yep.

00:14:57.440 --> 00:14:58.399
That's a truck commander.

00:14:58.639 --> 00:14:59.120
Truck commander.

00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:01.919
Um came across a uh IED.

00:15:02.080 --> 00:15:02.720
Yeah.

00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:11.840
And it impacted my vehicle, but it it didn't impact it enough where it completely disabled the vehicle.

00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:12.159
Yeah.

00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:12.879
So it blew up.

00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:13.679
It blew.

00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:16.799
But we were able to somehow continue on.

00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:17.519
Wow.

00:15:17.679 --> 00:15:20.080
So like it just damaged the vehicle and you kept going?

00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:21.440
And we kept going.

00:15:21.679 --> 00:15:24.080
And maybe about 30 minutes later.

00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:25.519
You ran out of gas?

00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:27.200
No, my vehicle got hit again.

00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:28.000
Oh, again.

00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:29.279
With the RPG.

00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:30.399
Oh man.

00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:32.320
Like, where did it impact?

00:15:32.799 --> 00:15:33.919
The rear of the vehicle.

00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:34.960
So gosh.

00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:39.120
I was just fortunate and thankful.

00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:42.159
And I much damage did your vehicle sustain?

00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:44.639
It sustained a fair amount.

00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:46.240
Were you able to keep driving?

00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:50.480
But we were able to still continue driving and get back to the fob.

00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:54.639
That's what was nice about being in a tank for me, is I get hit multiple times.

00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:55.120
Right.

00:15:55.360 --> 00:16:02.720
Now, once it totally blew up my tank, but most of the time when RPGs and bombs went off, we were like, I think we got hit, you know?

00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:04.399
And you weren't really sure.

00:16:04.559 --> 00:16:06.399
But when you got hit, you definitely knew it.

00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:07.039
Yes.

00:16:08.159 --> 00:16:08.960
Exactly.

00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:14.320
And so it was after that, um, my platoon sergeant was like, okay, you're not going back out.

00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:16.159
You're going home for RR.

00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:16.639
Right.

00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:20.399
And so I went home for 15 days for R.

00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:26.240
And while I was home, my first wife had to um, she had a lump.

00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:28.080
Like uh cancer.

00:16:28.320 --> 00:16:28.799
Yes.

00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:30.720
And so they had to do a procedure.

00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:40.879
So they extended me for another 15 days to kind of see her through that process before I uh I returned back to my units.

00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:45.039
Uh we came back from deployment um November of 2007.

00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:47.600
So how many children did you have at this time during this deployment?

00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:52.559
Um I had my youngest son, Isaiah, uh-huh, and the two older ones, Deedra and Tyrone.

00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:52.879
Okay.

00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:54.080
So it was three total.

00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:54.799
Yeah, yeah.

00:16:55.039 --> 00:17:00.000
Okay, so then um she has the surgery.

00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:00.480
Uh-huh.

00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:01.440
They remove her breasts.

00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:02.480
She had to have it removed.

00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:03.759
Like a full mastectomy.

00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:04.240
Yes.

00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:04.799
Wow.

00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:06.400
Okay, that's hardcore.

00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:08.319
Okay, and then what happened?

00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:12.720
And then I mean that that's that's a huge emotional thing in and of itself.

00:17:12.960 --> 00:17:13.599
Right.

00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:15.440
Uh okay.

00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:18.640
So you're dealing with that, trying to console your wife through that.

00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:21.039
How what was she like during during that time?

00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:21.839
To me.

00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:24.720
Uh her faith was strong.

00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:25.359
Yeah, yeah.

00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:28.079
You know, compared to mine, you know.

00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:33.039
Um and so I just felt like, okay, she's she's gonna be okay.

00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:35.039
And so I just left it at that.

00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:42.480
And then I, you know, I went back to what my to join my units until we came back um in 2007.

00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:55.920
And then um from there, um my unit left Fort Knox um and relocated to Fort Bending, Georgia in 2009-2010.

00:17:56.319 --> 00:17:56.640
Okay.

00:17:57.119 --> 00:18:08.079
And so, actually in 2008, um, so I joined the 60th Engineer Battalion, um, I mean company, and I was with the 11th Engineer Battalion at Fort Bennett, Georgia.

00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:08.319
Right.

00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:14.000
So in 2009 of April, they were scheduled, we were scheduled for another deployment to Afghanistan.

00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:15.039
Oh wow.

00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:17.759
And so um I was all prepared to go.

00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:18.559
Yeah.

00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:22.000
And then found out um the cancer had come back.

00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:22.799
Oh no.

00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:30.559
So I I informed my commander and first sergeant, and they was like, okay, we'll we'll let you stay back here uh for three months to help your wife.

00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:31.440
Yeah.

00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:35.839
So that three months turned into where I never did join my units.

00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:52.799
So beginning in 2009, I felt like that was one of the toughest and years that I had to go through because my wife was in and out of the hospital.

00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:57.039
There would be times when doing chemo and stuff.

00:18:57.599 --> 00:19:04.880
That she would get discharged from the hospital, and 20 minutes later, I'm right back in the hospital after having got a discharge.

00:19:05.039 --> 00:19:06.640
We have to turn around and take care of it.

00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:09.279
She'd leave the hospital and all of a sudden something would be done.

00:19:09.839 --> 00:19:15.759
Just and so I was just like, I didn't know who to talk to.

00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:20.960
So I used running as an outlet.

00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:21.279
Oh.

00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:24.000
I never was like big on running.

00:19:24.079 --> 00:19:30.559
I just did what I needed to do to maybe pass a PT test or whatever, but it became like almost a lifeline for me.

00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:31.599
Oh, really?

00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:32.160
Yes.

00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:43.119
All right, so you you're you're in and out of the hospital, you're running, your units deployed, you're trying to figure out, you're getting reports from the doctor day in, day out.

00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:45.119
Things look good, then they look bad.

00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:55.039
They were they were looking good up until in maybe I'd say May of 2010.

00:19:55.440 --> 00:20:01.599
In fact, my unit had just gotten back from deployment after a year in April 2010.

00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:09.440
And I remember going to the to the doctor with her, and on a particular day, they called me out and said, We need to talk to you.

00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:16.880
Um, your your wife cancer has spread it, and she may have a month to live.

00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:17.680
Wow.

00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:26.640
What how did so when they call you in, they say your wife has a month to live, and you're sitting there, you've got three children.

00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:27.279
Yes.

00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:29.039
How old were they at that time?

00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:33.599
In 2010, Isaiah, my youngest, was nine.

00:20:34.400 --> 00:20:41.200
Um, my daughter, Deedra, she was 2020.

00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:44.400
And my son, Tyrone, was 18.

00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:47.119
Okay, so a lot of emotion there.

00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:48.480
A lot of stuff.

00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:53.279
Were they um was Deedra, she wasn't living at the home at this point, but she was nearby?

00:20:53.440 --> 00:20:54.480
Oh, they were living in the home.

00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:58.799
All everyone, all three of them in the house with you while this cancer stuff is going on.

00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:00.880
Were they all kind of like taking part in helping out?

00:21:01.279 --> 00:21:02.960
Um as much as they could, yes.

00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:09.680
Um okay, so you get that word, like what's it feel like for you as a dad and as a husband?

00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:10.160
Oh.

00:21:10.559 --> 00:21:16.400
Yes, I was I was believing that, okay, uh God's gonna heal her.

00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:17.200
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:19.920
You know, God's gonna heal her, and we'll be okay.

00:21:20.079 --> 00:21:25.440
Uh, our family will be whole, and we'll we'll we'll beat this and we'll continue on.

00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:33.519
Um and I will ask God, like, just heal her, just heal her, just just physically, just just heal her, take away the cancer.

00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:35.200
She didn't make it a month.

00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:37.519
She made she made it two weeks.

00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:38.640
Two weeks.

00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:42.720
Okay, so you get this devastating news.

00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:46.799
Yes, and she died June 11th of 2010.

00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:47.920
Wow.

00:21:48.160 --> 00:22:02.400
And and while I'm processing that and now trying to figure out how to arrange a funeral, and thank God I was going to a church that I reached out to that helped me plan and get everything organized.

00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:04.480
Was this Cascade Hills?

00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:05.119
No, not at the time.

00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:06.079
Okay, which one was this?

00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:08.400
I was going to Kinda Metropolitan Worship Center.

00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:09.119
Oh, cool.

00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:09.920
At the time.

00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:12.160
And I thank God they they planned everything.

00:22:12.319 --> 00:22:17.279
They arranged everything where I didn't have to do much, but I got a casket and pick out.

00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:27.039
And during during that, so we had the funeral um June 21st of 2010.

00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:27.599
Yeah.

00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:46.720
And me not knowing, I had family members um in Florida, uh Tallahassee, Florida, who were reluctant to call me because they knew I had just buried my wife and to tell me.

00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:49.440
Because my mother had a twin sister.

00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:50.160
They were identical.

00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:52.799
And every time I looked at her, it was like looking at my mom.

00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:53.200
Yeah.

00:22:53.440 --> 00:23:02.000
But they decided to call me anyway and say, Kenneth, we know that you're grieving and you're going through, but we felt you needed to know your Aunt Margaret died in her sleep.

00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:03.039
Oh gosh.

00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:03.839
Wait.

00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:05.359
Oh wow, that's wild.

00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:07.119
This wasn't even a month.

00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:07.680
Yeah.

00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:12.880
I hadn't even had a month to grieve my wife.

00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:28.799
But I um me and my youngest son, Isaiah, I took him and we decided to go down to uh Miami, Florida for the wake and for the funeral of my Aunt Margaret.

00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:30.720
Uh yeah.

00:23:31.039 --> 00:23:34.559
Okay, so you're you're kind of reeling from that.

00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:37.680
You're kind of now you're a single dad.

00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:43.279
Um 22-year-olds out of the house, or 20-year-old out the teachers out of the house.

00:23:43.440 --> 00:23:45.759
She she decided to leave the house once her mom died.

00:23:45.839 --> 00:23:46.000
Right.

00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:49.359
She just could not bear losing her mom.

00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:49.680
Oh.

00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:56.799
And that that was so painful that, believe it or not, when my wife, when she died, um, she wasn't in hospice.

00:23:56.960 --> 00:23:57.759
She was at home.

00:23:57.920 --> 00:23:59.920
I decided not to put her in hospice.

00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:07.440
So they they took me through the process of knowing how to uh administer the morphine and change the tanks.

00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:14.880
And when she died, that was the first time I had physically seen someone taken out in a body bag.

00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:22.000
And when my I remember when my daughter came downstairs that that early morning, she was looking for her mom.

00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:23.279
She said, Where's mom?

00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:31.839
And she's thinking, My mom has gotten up, she's she's heal, she's well, and I'm like, Your mom is gone.

00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:34.880
You know, she she's deceased, you know.

00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:36.799
How did that hit her?

00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:39.680
She was devastated.

00:24:39.759 --> 00:24:41.359
She She was expecting a healing.

00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:44.559
She was expecting a healing because she even went outside looking for her mom.

00:24:46.160 --> 00:24:48.960
And she was devastated.

00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:52.400
You know, yeah.

00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:55.680
And then, and what about uh Tyrone?

00:24:55.759 --> 00:24:59.519
What was his he was more he was hurt?

00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:03.279
Um but he kept it to himself.

00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:03.680
Right.

00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:07.519
And of course, Isaiah was just distraught.

00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:08.640
Distraught, you know.

00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:12.319
All right, so how did you I mean you've got all this different emotion.

00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:16.400
Uh Deidre moves out, Tyrone stay around or Yeah, he stayed around, yes.

00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:21.279
And you're still dealing with all this, and then then what happens?

00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:30.319
But even not when she died, um, the the nets that weekend is when I gave my life to Christ.

00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:30.880
Okay.

00:25:31.039 --> 00:25:31.279
Wow.

00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:31.759
All right.

00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:36.000
So you were kind of like you knew about God, but you didn't know God.

00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:41.839
And so what how so how what was the you were just like you're so broken and you're just like, I need Jesus?

00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:42.480
What what was that?

00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:49.759
Yes, it was like because I knew death was a reality because I had seen it so much.

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:54.319
So much that what if this was me?

00:25:54.559 --> 00:25:56.160
You know, where would I spend eternity?

00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:02.559
And I didn't know this sounds crazy, but you just gotten shot, been hit by an ID, an RPG round smash in the back of your uh truck.

00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:09.519
Now just now is what it it actually was during Iraq, but I kind of just like it just pushed it away.

00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:10.160
I pushed it away.

00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:10.559
Yeah, yeah.

00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:17.039
Because I guess you know, it's honestly what you compartmentalize a lot because if you start thinking about death when you're in Iraq, you'll be a terrified person, you can't go outside the wire.

00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:17.440
Right.

00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:17.920
Okay.

00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:21.039
So this hits you, you finally have a moment to think to yourself.

00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:22.559
You're do you do you go to church?

00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:24.880
Do you have is this happening at your room, or what what happens?

00:26:25.119 --> 00:26:27.119
Um I I go to church.

00:26:27.359 --> 00:26:33.279
Um and um I give my life to the Lord and they baptize me.

00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:34.079
Oh, nice.

00:26:34.240 --> 00:26:34.799
Yes.

00:26:35.039 --> 00:26:36.160
In 2010.

00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:37.279
Um beautiful.

00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:37.599
Yes.

00:26:37.759 --> 00:26:38.000
All right.

00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:39.759
So you you're living for Jesus.

00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:42.799
Did do you have a sense of hope?

00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:44.720
I do.

00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:45.119
Okay.

00:26:45.279 --> 00:26:50.240
And then are you able to minister to to Deidra and Tyrone and as best as I could?

00:26:51.440 --> 00:27:01.359
Um, it was hard at times because to try to relate to them as a father, because I didn't get it as a father, as a son from a father.

00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:01.839
Yeah.

00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:02.799
How well how so?

00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:03.440
What do you mean?

00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:10.720
Um, because my wife now, she I remember her asking me, she said, Did did your dad ever tell you that he loved you?

00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:13.839
And for a moment I had to think really hard.

00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:17.039
I'm like, not once did I ever hear him say it.

00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:21.839
But I I would tell her, I believe, I felt he loved me through his actions, right?

00:27:22.000 --> 00:27:23.759
But he never verbalized it.

00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:27.759
What do you think it is about that generation that couldn't say I love you?

00:27:29.599 --> 00:27:31.920
I'm not I'm not particularly sure.

00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:32.480
You know.

00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:36.160
That's interesting because I think that's a common thread across that generation.

00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:38.880
Saying I love you would be like almost too vulnerable or something.

00:27:39.359 --> 00:27:39.839
I don't know.

00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:45.680
Okay, so you're you come to Christ, you're you're doing the best you can as now uh a single dad.

00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:46.079
Right.

00:27:46.240 --> 00:27:46.559
All right.

00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:50.400
Then uh you give your life to Christ, you're you're living for Jesus.

00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:51.279
What happens?

00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:58.240
So in 2010, after I've done all that, and like I mentioned, um, running was it became like a passion for me.

00:27:58.480 --> 00:27:59.279
You and Forrest Gump.

00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:00.319
You're just going for it.

00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:01.039
Yes.

00:28:01.279 --> 00:28:12.400
And so November of 2010 rolled around, and we were, we had this annual turkey bowl where it was officers versus NCOs.

00:28:12.559 --> 00:28:13.279
Yeah, yeah.

00:28:13.920 --> 00:28:20.319
And so on a Thursday, I remember some of the NCOs asking me, hey, Sar Mama, would you mind?

00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:22.240
Hey, come practice with us, let's throw the football.

00:28:22.319 --> 00:28:22.480
Yeah.

00:28:22.640 --> 00:28:24.720
And I was like, no, I'm I'm I want to go running.

00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:26.160
You know, I just want to go running.

00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:29.920
But I decided to go not run and join them to practice.

00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:30.319
Yeah.

00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:39.119
And in doing so, um, I remember catching a pass and I stepped into a pothole and I and I injured my left knee.

00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:44.880
But I didn't know the extent until that following Monday when I went to the sick call.

00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:45.440
Yep.

00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:52.480
I remember one of the soldiers, when I was standing outside looking at me, he looked down at my knee because my knee had double in size.

00:28:52.960 --> 00:28:55.440
And he's like, You tore your ACL.

00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:57.039
Oh, gosh, no.

00:28:57.279 --> 00:28:59.519
I was like, no, but it was confirmed.

00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:11.759
I tore my ACL, my meniscas, and and so I I was a little distraught.

00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:12.319
Yeah.

00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:16.960
I was hurt because the one thing I wasn't even supposed to be out there.

00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:18.160
I wasn't supposed to be out there.

00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:22.799
And the one thing I felt like that had been taken from me now.

00:29:24.079 --> 00:29:24.400
Man.

00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:26.160
Just the hits just keep on coming.

00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:26.960
So you have this.

00:29:27.119 --> 00:29:35.440
Now, is that when you got out of the no I wound up having a surgery uh in May of 2011.

00:29:35.680 --> 00:29:36.720
Was that at Keller?

00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:40.000
It was no, it was at uh Fort Benning, Georgia.

00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:42.079
Yeah, but I think it's Keller Army Hospital right there.

00:29:42.160 --> 00:29:42.400
Uh uh.

00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:44.319
Um Martin Army Community Hospital.

00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:45.599
Martin Army, maybe that's what it was.

00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:45.759
Yeah.

00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:46.400
Well, never mind.

00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:46.640
Yeah.

00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:48.799
I I had MCL surgery there.

00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:53.599
Yeah, because I uh tore my MCL at Fort Benning.

00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:54.640
Anyway, go on.

00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:56.400
So, you know, I I have the surgery.

00:29:56.480 --> 00:30:03.039
I I go through the recovery process and then um So 2012 rolls around.

00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:08.480
And I remember going back for a checkup on my knee, and my doctor's like, you need to have another procedure on your knee.

00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:10.240
We found like some scar tissue.

00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:11.839
So they did a surgery.

00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:17.839
So they did the surgery in February, uh, February 3rd of 2012.

00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:21.279
And um I went on comalescent leave.

00:30:21.359 --> 00:30:21.839
Yep.

00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:26.559
And I remember while home on convalescent leave.

00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:32.160
I remember it was February 11th.

00:30:32.319 --> 00:30:34.720
And this was a Saturday night.

00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:40.319
And I remember watching the TV, and I was, and it was just breaking news about Whitney Houston.

00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:42.079
It was just all over the news.

00:30:42.160 --> 00:30:42.319
Yeah.

00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:44.319
And I'm like, okay.

00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:49.279
And then Sunday rolls around of February 12th of 2012.

00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:54.400
I'm downstairs watching the news still, and I get a phone call.

00:30:54.640 --> 00:30:58.160
I'm like, it's like between seven and eight o'clock at night.

00:30:58.319 --> 00:31:02.319
And I'm like, it's a call from my commander in first iron.

00:31:02.400 --> 00:31:09.920
And it was like, Simon Monroe, um, we know you're on Convalescent Lee, but um, we need you to come to the company.

00:31:10.079 --> 00:31:11.119
I'm like, come to the company.

00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:13.039
I'm like, I'm on, I'm on leave, first time.

00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:20.240
Um, but I got I went, I got him a car and I was driving, and and the whole time there, I just get knots in my stomach.

00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:22.079
Like something's wrong.

00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:26.559
And so when I arrived to the unit, there's absolutely no one there.

00:31:27.039 --> 00:31:29.279
No cars there but the commander and first sergeant.

00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:30.400
Oh gosh.

00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:38.799
And so I uh I go upstairs, and they was like, Somewhere, can you have a seat?

00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:41.759
Uh which is somebody's on the phone, on the line.

00:31:41.839 --> 00:31:50.240
We just need to uh, and so I was in the seat in the other office, but the door wasn't completely closed, that I was able to hear what they were saying.

00:31:50.480 --> 00:31:59.359
And as they were talking, I immediately knew that the conversation between them and the doctor, that I'm gonna identify somebody.

00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:06.640
And so they put me on the phone with the doctor, and he was like, Um, sorry, Mr.

00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:08.960
Mark, we need you to identify this person.

00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:16.640
Um, and when they mentioned a particular tattoo and where it was, it was my daughter.

00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:32.960
And um what was that emotionally like you're just your experience, you hear that?

00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:35.359
Does like do you flash back to your wife?

00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:38.000
Do you flash back to your mom?

00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:40.880
I mean, what where where do you go in that that moment?

00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:48.640
Almost I I felt it, but I almost became numb.

00:32:49.839 --> 00:32:53.279
I think I was more concerned for my youngest son, Isaiah.

00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:54.000
Yeah.

00:32:54.240 --> 00:32:57.440
Because he was just thinking, oh no, he can't handle another loss.

00:32:57.599 --> 00:33:01.359
He he doesn't, he hadn't had the experience of having any grandparents.

00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:03.119
He lost his mom.

00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:07.039
And now I have to tell him he's lost his sister.

00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:10.000
But I waited a couple days before I told him.

00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:10.960
Oh gosh.

00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:15.200
He came from school, and I remember sitting him down at the kitchen table.

00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:23.279
And when I told him, he didn't scream or holler, but he just the tears just flooded from his face.

00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:27.599
And how old was he at that time?

00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:31.599
He was 11.

00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:32.400
Gosh.

00:33:32.640 --> 00:33:33.359
He was 11.

00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:35.839
Like a year and a half after his mom has passed.

00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:38.640
Here he is at 11 years old, his sister's dead.

00:33:38.960 --> 00:33:46.799
And that's that's where when I saw that, my anger and resentment towards God came.

00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:52.640
Where I decided I want nothing to do with God.

00:33:55.519 --> 00:33:56.000
Yeah.

00:33:56.400 --> 00:34:02.000
So tell me about like how did you so you you said you you said that in your heart and your head.

00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:02.559
Yes.

00:34:02.720 --> 00:34:04.240
And is that when you stopped going to church?

00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:05.440
Is that or what happened?

00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:06.079
Yes.

00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:12.639
I would just at times just lay in the bed.

00:34:14.239 --> 00:34:19.519
Even after I've maybe washed clothes, the clothes was just laying the bed beside me, and I would just lay there.

00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:27.280
Just, you know, I would just I would get the strength, you know, to make sure my son was taken care of and that they were okay.

00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:30.559
But I was just exhausted.

00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:34.159
Uh yeah.

00:34:34.960 --> 00:34:41.679
So you're no longer going to church, Isaiah's obviously not going to church, you're just you're kind of fried.

00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:45.280
You you it's pushed you too far, you're kind of done.

00:34:45.519 --> 00:34:49.840
Um, so then kind of like how do you just cope with life at that point?

00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:52.159
What was your coping mechanism?

00:34:57.760 --> 00:35:03.679
Believe it or not, it was because I wasn't running like I was, it was maybe food.

00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:05.840
I started overeating.

00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:08.480
Yeah, food became for me a cold.

00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:11.280
Yeah.

00:35:14.639 --> 00:35:15.119
You know?

00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:15.840
Yeah.

00:35:19.679 --> 00:35:43.280
And as I was going through that, just when I thought it wasn't gonna it could get any worse, July of 2012 rolled around, and I remember I had a f a soldier's mom who was helping me and was living with us, helping me with my son and my grandson.

00:35:43.679 --> 00:35:47.760
She was living in the extra room that I had because I was living in base housing.

00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:52.719
And my uh older son, Tyrone, called and he said, Can you come pick me up and take me to work?

00:35:52.880 --> 00:35:57.199
So I just told her, I was like, Miss Diana, I'm gonna go take my son, Tyrone to work.

00:35:57.280 --> 00:35:58.480
Yeah, I'll be back.

00:35:58.639 --> 00:36:00.960
So I went and picked him up and I dropped him off of work.

00:36:01.039 --> 00:36:12.320
And as soon as he got out of the car, I get a phone call, and Miss Diana's on the phone screaming and yelling, and she's outdoors with her grandson and my son, and she's like, Your house is on fire.

00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:16.400
I'm like, I thought, I'm like, what?

00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:17.920
She said, Your house is on fire.

00:36:18.000 --> 00:36:19.760
There's police, there's fire trucks.

00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:21.280
So I rush back on post.

00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:24.159
I get there and it's engulfed.

00:36:24.239 --> 00:36:26.639
It's just your house is on fire.

00:36:26.800 --> 00:36:27.280
Yes.

00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:29.039
Daniel, how it started?

00:36:29.519 --> 00:36:30.000
Yes.

00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:34.159
I had reported it uh months ago to maintenance.

00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:36.800
Like some, I like something's wrong with my stove.

00:36:36.880 --> 00:36:38.639
Every time I turn it off, it won't turn off.

00:36:38.719 --> 00:36:39.679
The burner's still on.

00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:41.039
It would go on and off.

00:36:41.199 --> 00:36:47.280
So they would do an investigation and determine there was a faulty something that was faulty in that.

00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:49.679
They say it was like just waiting for the right.

00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:54.639
And I was like, This is where you sort of start to feel like Job.

00:36:54.800 --> 00:36:57.920
Like you're like, how can this get any worse?

00:36:58.159 --> 00:36:59.519
Like, I just lost my house.

00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:03.440
All the I mean, all your stuff, I'm sure, got completely incinerated.

00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:06.960
A lot of it, but you know, whatever I could salvage, but I did.

00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:11.920
Okay, so all right, you you you your house burns down.

00:37:12.320 --> 00:37:15.199
Uh are you angry at God or are you the numb towards God?

00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:16.880
What's your a little of both?

00:37:17.039 --> 00:37:17.360
Yeah.

00:37:17.679 --> 00:37:19.039
A little of both.

00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:25.920
Um but you know, they managed to um find me another housing for me and my son.

00:37:26.079 --> 00:37:27.440
And I and I pleaded with them.

00:37:27.519 --> 00:37:30.159
I'm like, please, um, I don't want another four-bedroom.

00:37:30.239 --> 00:37:31.519
They're like, this is what you rate.

00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:33.760
I'm like, it's just me and my son, Isaiah.

00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:36.719
Now, can we just a one-bedroom, a two-bedroom?

00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:40.320
They like, they gave me another four-bedroom when it was just me and my son.

00:37:40.480 --> 00:37:40.719
Right.

00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:46.880
So when they moved us into it, I put absolutely nothing in there but the bare essentials for him and myself.

00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:47.039
Right.

00:37:47.199 --> 00:37:49.280
And the other rooms were pretty much empty.

00:37:49.440 --> 00:37:49.840
Right.

00:37:50.239 --> 00:37:56.400
You know, up until um I decided 2014 to just to get out.

00:37:56.639 --> 00:37:57.280
Yeah.

00:37:58.239 --> 00:37:58.559
Okay.

00:37:58.880 --> 00:38:05.280
So you're it's 2014, you get out of the military, and then tragedy happens again.

00:38:05.599 --> 00:38:07.920
Well, not instantly.

00:38:08.000 --> 00:38:09.519
That's when I met my wife now, Andrea.

00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:10.079
Andrea.

00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:11.039
I met her.

00:38:11.199 --> 00:38:12.079
That's not tragic.

00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:12.719
Yes.

00:38:12.960 --> 00:38:13.760
That's it's a win.

00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:15.920
I had no plans of of remarrying or getting married.

00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:17.679
I just like How did she sneak in there?

00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:18.960
I met her.

00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:23.119
I wasn't intending on I was on Christian Mingle.

00:38:23.199 --> 00:38:23.280
Yeah.

00:38:23.440 --> 00:38:30.480
But Christian Mingo, I was using as um, because there were people on there who were helping me to cope and deal.

00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:33.039
So that's what I was using, but that's how I met her.

00:38:33.119 --> 00:38:33.199
Right.

00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:34.880
And that's how we connected.

00:38:35.039 --> 00:38:37.760
And we were married um four months later.

00:38:38.239 --> 00:38:44.880
So what happened to like the you don't love Jesus now, or you're angry at Jesus, and now you're getting married to a.

00:38:44.960 --> 00:38:47.519
I mean, Andrea is not like sort of into Jesus.

00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:48.000
She's all in.

00:38:48.159 --> 00:38:49.039
Yes, she's all in.

00:38:49.199 --> 00:38:52.000
So, so how did that what happened?

00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:54.719
Were you like, was she evangelating you or what?

00:38:55.119 --> 00:38:57.119
She was just, she listened to me.

00:38:57.199 --> 00:38:57.599
Yeah, yeah.

00:38:57.679 --> 00:39:00.880
She allowed me to just talk, vent, whatever.

00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:08.480
And um, she said she felt and knew that God was telling her, that's gonna be your husband right there.

00:39:08.639 --> 00:39:10.880
And I'm like, no way.

00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:15.280
Uh four months later, we were married in February of 2015.

00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:16.000
Wow.

00:39:16.159 --> 00:39:16.400
Yes.

00:39:17.679 --> 00:39:20.000
Okay, so so you get married.

00:39:20.159 --> 00:39:20.559
Yes.

00:39:20.800 --> 00:39:22.320
Happily ever after.

00:39:22.559 --> 00:39:26.800
Uh and and um Isaiah's how old at this point?

00:39:27.280 --> 00:39:28.880
He is uh 14.

00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:30.239
Okay, he's 14.

00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:32.320
Is he doing well with her?

00:39:32.559 --> 00:39:33.599
I was I was concerned.

00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:38.480
He was going well in school, but I was still concerned about how he was doing mentally.

00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:38.719
Yeah.

00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:42.480
And didn't know how things were gonna turn out for him.

00:39:42.639 --> 00:39:42.960
Yeah.

00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:48.079
But I continue to to be uh as best as a father I could to him.

00:39:48.239 --> 00:39:56.639
I I could have done better by communicating with him and because I I didn't really, I wasn't asking him how he was doing.

00:39:57.599 --> 00:40:01.519
So how my dad was doing, I was kind of doing to my son.

00:40:01.679 --> 00:40:01.920
Yeah.

00:40:02.159 --> 00:40:07.920
You know, and just thought he was okay when, you know, he probably wasn't okay, you know.

00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:13.599
And so, but he was still doing well in school, and I was grateful for that.

00:40:14.559 --> 00:40:28.800
And I I think I believe for him, when he started to really kind of turn away from God is in 2016.

00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:34.880
Um, Tyrone, we had saw him in um Thanksgiving of 2016.

00:40:35.039 --> 00:40:35.199
Yeah.

00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:37.039
November 24th, 2016.

00:40:38.480 --> 00:40:39.039
He wasn't far.

00:40:39.119 --> 00:40:41.679
He was maybe, maybe 20 minutes.

00:40:41.920 --> 00:40:42.239
Oh yeah.

00:40:42.320 --> 00:40:45.039
So you'd see him like at least once a month or so.

00:40:45.599 --> 00:40:46.480
We would see him.

00:40:47.199 --> 00:40:48.880
Um so we saw him.

00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:50.480
He came over for that Thanksgiving.

00:40:50.559 --> 00:40:52.559
We were glad to see him and everything.

00:40:52.880 --> 00:41:02.320
Um that following Tuesday, uh, November 29th, uh, there's a knock at my door like two o'clock in the morning.

00:41:02.639 --> 00:41:04.400
Just a loud thing.

00:41:04.559 --> 00:41:06.800
And I'm like, who's knocking on my door?

00:41:07.039 --> 00:41:11.599
I I opened it, but I was like, I heard this knock before.

00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:18.800
So I go to the door, I open it, and there's a police, like, uh like, uh, Mr.

00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:22.320
Monroe, Miss Monroe, sorry to inform you.

00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:25.760
Um your son, Tyrone, was killed.

00:41:26.639 --> 00:41:35.039
Um I remember seeing Isaiah down the hallway standing in front of his door.

00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:42.079
And he went and he punched a hole into the he just hit it so hard.

00:41:42.400 --> 00:41:49.599
I didn't know if he had and he screamed, you know, he just that's too much.

00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:52.480
Yeah.

00:41:53.039 --> 00:41:58.960
And so he's processing, he's screaming, and how did how so you get this at 2 a.m.

00:41:59.119 --> 00:41:59.280
call?

00:41:59.360 --> 00:42:01.199
How did how did Tyrone die?

00:42:01.679 --> 00:42:04.000
He was um single car accident.

00:42:04.239 --> 00:42:05.119
Just a car accident.

00:42:05.599 --> 00:42:05.920
Yes.

00:42:06.079 --> 00:42:12.239
Um when I went, well, me and my wife went and saw the vehicle, no one could have survived that.

00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:12.559
Yeah, yeah.

00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:13.679
It was just mangled.

00:42:13.760 --> 00:42:16.960
It was just brutal.

00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:21.599
And so you're just sitting there going, there's no reason, in a sense, no, no rhyme to that.

00:42:21.679 --> 00:42:22.960
It's just so weird.

00:42:23.199 --> 00:42:23.840
Yes.

00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:31.519
And I mean, that's a wife, a daughter, a son.

00:42:33.440 --> 00:42:37.760
You're reeling in in pain, like, and that that's when I say is like, I'm done with God.

00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:41.119
I mean, he he just experienced his mom die, his sister die, and his brother die.

00:42:41.280 --> 00:42:41.679
Yes.

00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:45.440
And you're trying to kind of hold it all together.

00:42:45.599 --> 00:42:49.599
Like, how what what what do you do?

00:42:52.159 --> 00:43:04.480
I had to I had to make a decision that I could continue to be in despair.

00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:07.440
I wasn't minimizing the pain.

00:43:07.599 --> 00:43:07.920
Yeah.

00:43:08.880 --> 00:43:16.320
But I had to come to the realization and like it's only this is gonna end one of two ways for me.

00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:26.159
I'm either gonna get up from this and continue moving forward, even with the pain.

00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:47.599
Or I'm gonna just stay in this place of unforgiveness, bitterness, shame, guilt, rejection, everything, and just allow the circumstances to just swallow me up and just because there was some fighting going on between me and my wife, we newly married.

00:43:47.679 --> 00:43:48.639
Yeah, you know.

00:43:48.960 --> 00:44:06.960
All the normal things of young married people, especially, you know, instant marriage in four months, it's now all of a sudden the reality of life is hitting, and it just it's as if, you know, from 2009 to 2016, death after death after death, and you're sort of reeling from all that, trying to kind of get your feet under you spiritually, and just things keep happening.

00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:13.360
And I think I I came across a scripture, Matthew 11, 28.

00:44:13.840 --> 00:44:27.360
When I when I read it, when Jesus says, Come to me, and I kind of looked at that, I'm like, this is the Son of God who's who's asking me.

00:44:28.639 --> 00:44:30.000
He's saying, Come to me.

00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:36.559
You know, with your ladies, heavy burdens, just come to me.

00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:42.400
And so I decided that that's what I would do.

00:44:42.559 --> 00:44:42.880
Yeah.

00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:48.719
And my wife noticed, she said, You love to write, you like to write, you just write, write, write, write.

00:44:48.880 --> 00:44:50.320
But I had stopped writing.

00:44:50.559 --> 00:44:56.159
So I began to just instead of writing inwardly, I started writing outwardly.

00:44:58.320 --> 00:45:06.960
Where I didn't have to, it didn't have to be pretty how how I began to process and and talk to the Lord.

00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:09.599
He just wanted me to just lay it out.

00:45:10.239 --> 00:45:12.320
If I was angry, upset, bitter.

00:45:12.480 --> 00:45:23.119
And then and as I would kept doing that, I felt relief because I I was able to get it out, how how I was feeling, whether it was shame, guilt, rejection.

00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:28.480
Um, I've I carried a lot of guilt, you know, like what could I have done?

00:45:28.639 --> 00:45:29.199
Yeah.

00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:30.159
You know?

00:45:31.679 --> 00:45:33.840
And yeah.

00:45:34.719 --> 00:45:40.159
So you're you're carrying all of that, you're you're kind of processing with the Lord.

00:45:40.400 --> 00:45:52.000
Uh your communication skills with your son is a little on the weaker side, so he kind of probably is unraveling, and you're like, you're wanting to love him and show him like what's going on in your head, like how with that.

00:45:52.960 --> 00:46:00.719
Uh my regret is not reaching out to because I had a community, yeah, but I kept everything so bottled up.

00:46:02.239 --> 00:46:10.000
If I had just reached out to uh to the church and my church home, my church family, that it could have been a lot smoother.

00:46:10.079 --> 00:46:10.239
Yeah.

00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:16.320
And they would have been able to help me process and relate and know how to communicate better better to my son.

00:46:16.480 --> 00:46:17.199
Yeah, yeah.

00:46:17.840 --> 00:46:20.639
Because it wasn't communicated to me.

00:46:20.800 --> 00:46:22.639
I didn't know how to communicate it to my son.

00:46:22.800 --> 00:46:23.119
Yeah.

00:46:23.440 --> 00:46:31.760
You know, uh, and tell him that despite everything that was going on, I was proud of him and I loved him.

00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:33.280
Um that came later.

00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:33.840
Right.

00:46:34.159 --> 00:46:34.400
Yeah.

00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:38.159
Talk talk to me about how like you're you're you're feeling all that.

00:46:38.320 --> 00:46:46.400
Like, how do you not just like just kind of like I go to that like failure zone of like, I I know I need to communicate, I'm not doing it.

00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:48.719
And you kind of get in that spiral in your head.

00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:51.360
How did was Andrew able to sort of pull you out?

00:46:51.599 --> 00:46:54.800
How did you lift your head towards Jesus and say, like, I know I'm broken and I can't.

00:46:55.199 --> 00:46:57.679
Yes, my wife was uh she was a big encouragement.

00:46:57.840 --> 00:46:58.480
Yeah.

00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:11.119
She um she was like, You you're you'll you'll help others and you'll do for others, but you won't allow others to help you.

00:47:12.320 --> 00:47:13.360
That's powerful.

00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:23.039
All right, so talk to me about so like I think recently you've had a like a cool shift with Isaiah where is he in the military now?

00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:27.280
He is in the military, he's um in the Air Force for six years.

00:47:27.840 --> 00:47:30.400
And when he decided, I didn't pressure him.

00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:41.360
Yeah, it was a decision that he made, and that in itself was almost like a healing for me because I didn't know how he was gonna turn out, but he's turned out to be an amazing son.

00:47:41.599 --> 00:47:43.840
Uh he loves the Air Force.

00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:49.280
Uh he's a staff sergeant, going on seven years, and I'm so proud of him.

00:47:49.440 --> 00:47:53.280
I remember my mother from Nigeria calling me, and she said, How's your communication with your son?

00:47:53.440 --> 00:47:56.159
Communicate with him, be be gentle.

00:47:56.480 --> 00:47:58.800
Um, just open the lines of communication.

00:47:59.039 --> 00:48:04.559
So we're we're in that process and we've communicated so much better now.

00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:07.519
And I affirm him and I tell him that I'm proud of him.

00:48:07.599 --> 00:48:07.760
Yeah.

00:48:07.920 --> 00:48:09.360
I tell him that I love him.

00:48:09.440 --> 00:48:09.599
Yeah.

00:48:09.760 --> 00:48:11.920
He heals, he hears it from me.

00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:12.320
Yeah.

00:48:12.559 --> 00:48:13.760
That I love him.

00:48:14.079 --> 00:48:16.320
Um, and I'm proud that he's my son.

00:48:16.400 --> 00:48:16.559
Yeah.

00:48:16.719 --> 00:48:22.559
And that God has blessed me with him, you know, as a son, you know.

00:48:23.039 --> 00:48:38.800
So um, and it was through my wife also seeing her determination and her faith uh in the Lord that I needed to be all in for Christ, despite everything.

00:48:38.880 --> 00:48:49.920
And anytime I felt like, woe is me, yeah, or what I've gone through, I get reminded of somebody else has gone through something worse than I have.

00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:50.480
Yeah.

00:48:50.719 --> 00:48:53.360
And then I also I ran it back in.

00:48:53.440 --> 00:48:54.800
I try to rein my thoughts back in.

00:48:54.880 --> 00:49:00.239
When I look, I think even you said it uh from the message on Sunday.

00:49:00.719 --> 00:49:02.000
Look to Jesus.

00:49:02.960 --> 00:49:10.239
Look at what when I begin to feel uh what I went through or what somebody else's went through, or the pain that they went through.

00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:12.639
Well, look at what the Father gave up for me.

00:49:13.440 --> 00:49:17.039
He gave up his son so that I could live.

00:49:17.119 --> 00:49:17.360
Yeah.

00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:23.360
Despite the pain, despite all the turmoil and everything that has happened.

00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:30.639
That's how I'm able to keep focused when I look to what Jesus went through for me.

00:49:30.800 --> 00:49:31.280
Yes.

00:49:31.599 --> 00:49:32.320
That's wild.

00:49:32.480 --> 00:49:42.480
I think that's when as I was talking to you, I was like, man, I don't know if any, you know, from our men's group, I was like, how many guys know the story about you?

00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:50.239
Because there are guys that are struggling and they've got they've gone through loss, but nowhere near as much as as you have.

00:49:50.480 --> 00:49:56.719
And I think that's the encouragement that like that there is life on the other side of pain.

00:49:56.800 --> 00:50:04.400
Yes, because in in the middle of your pain, you sort of can feel like this is all there is, and I'll never get over this, and there'll there'll never be joy again.

00:50:04.480 --> 00:50:08.239
And how can anyone like like it's just sad?

00:50:08.320 --> 00:50:11.039
Everything's sad, it'll never be good, it's just always bad.

00:50:11.280 --> 00:50:15.440
And for you, you've really overcome that in in such a really sweet way.

00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:18.880
And now your life is all about uh serving others.

00:50:18.960 --> 00:50:20.960
And I just like you have such a service aspect.

00:50:21.039 --> 00:50:29.519
I think just your ability to listen and then share your story is kind of what I'm hoping that people will gravitate toward you and be like, hey, Kenneth, let me take you to lunch.

00:50:29.599 --> 00:50:30.480
I want you to tell me your story.

00:50:30.559 --> 00:50:36.320
How here's what I'm dealing with, and then you can kind of wrestle with that with them.

00:50:36.639 --> 00:50:44.320
Yes, and it's also for me being in a community of believers has become a lifeline for me.

00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:44.880
Yeah, yeah.

00:50:45.039 --> 00:50:47.360
Uh with the men's group here at Wells Branch.

00:50:47.440 --> 00:50:48.079
Yeah.

00:50:48.800 --> 00:50:57.440
Because my wife sometimes we'll sit and talk, I'm like, since we've gotten here, she said, look at what you've become involved in in ways that I haven't.

00:50:57.599 --> 00:50:57.840
Yeah.

00:50:58.000 --> 00:51:00.960
When you think God isn't working, he is working.

00:51:01.199 --> 00:51:01.920
Absolutely.

00:51:02.159 --> 00:51:06.320
You know, and he's worked in so many ways since we've arrived there in Texas.

00:51:06.480 --> 00:51:13.280
And all he's he's he's ever asked me to do is just take one day at a time and trust him with each day.

00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:13.599
Yeah.

00:51:13.840 --> 00:51:15.119
Don't worry about tomorrow.

00:51:15.280 --> 00:51:29.440
Focus on today, take it one step, one minute at a time, and continue moving forward, you know, and just being with, because if I were isolate myself, my wife said, Stop isolating yourself.

00:51:29.599 --> 00:51:34.960
Because when I was isolating myself, uh, guilt would sit in.

00:51:35.039 --> 00:51:36.639
My thoughts would be kind of all over the place.

00:51:36.719 --> 00:51:39.679
I'm starting thinking about this and thinking about that.

00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:44.000
And some of the guys, even in the men's group, would say, Hey, we haven't seen you.

00:51:44.159 --> 00:51:45.199
And you did.

00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:47.039
And I'm like, I need to get back up and go.

00:51:47.119 --> 00:51:47.280
Yeah.

00:51:47.519 --> 00:51:51.199
Because if I isolate myself, that gives the enemy a foothold.

00:51:51.519 --> 00:51:52.000
Right.

00:51:52.400 --> 00:51:59.199
Uh, and my thoughts can go all over the place, and I need to be around other brothers and men of God.

00:51:59.920 --> 00:52:05.519
Not perfect at all, but still, they still love the Lord.

00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:06.159
So good.

00:52:06.400 --> 00:52:14.639
Despite, despite the pain, despite, because we all, uh I heard a pastor once say is we all are an at something.

00:52:14.719 --> 00:52:14.880
Yeah.

00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:16.159
That we all go through something.

00:52:16.320 --> 00:52:18.000
We've all been through something.

00:52:18.239 --> 00:52:25.280
Uh, but continue to trust in God, even in the pain, even in the weaknesses, you know.

00:52:26.079 --> 00:52:26.639
I don't know.

00:52:27.039 --> 00:52:41.840
And I'm encouraged by the fact that there are there is a body of believers and churches that that love the Lord despite, because I'm like, everybody has something that they're dealing with.

00:52:42.079 --> 00:52:42.800
Everybody's got something.

00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:46.639
But you can you can continue having that joy despite the pain.

00:52:47.039 --> 00:53:02.400
And so that's what I try to do is just like remind myself of the promises of God, the faithfulness of God, because he's been faithful to me, even when I've been unfaithful, even when I didn't want anything to do with him.

00:53:03.440 --> 00:53:04.719
He just beckons me.

00:53:04.800 --> 00:53:08.239
He said, just come to me and talk with me.

00:53:08.400 --> 00:53:10.960
I already know what you're feeling, I already know what you're thinking.

00:53:11.119 --> 00:53:12.079
Just tell me.

00:53:12.159 --> 00:53:14.480
And when I'm able to do that, I feel so much better.

00:53:14.719 --> 00:53:16.079
Tell me what your prayer life looks like.

00:53:16.159 --> 00:53:17.840
What does that look like for you to give the Lord?

00:53:18.159 --> 00:53:20.639
It can be so much better.

00:53:20.719 --> 00:53:23.360
And that's why the men's group challenges me.

00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:31.280
I get convicted that each day that I have, I need to give it to God first.

00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:33.360
Because I wasn't doing that.

00:53:33.440 --> 00:53:38.719
I was like, but when I have done it, I can just like I can feel the peace of God.

00:53:38.880 --> 00:53:39.199
Yeah.

00:53:39.519 --> 00:53:40.800
That surpasses all understanding.

00:53:40.960 --> 00:53:41.039
Right.

00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:42.800
Guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

00:53:43.119 --> 00:53:53.039
And I've told my wife, and I've told others that well, you can't experience, and I can't experience the peace of God and the presence of God if I'm not spending any time with God.

00:53:53.199 --> 00:53:53.760
Right.

00:53:54.000 --> 00:53:57.519
I have to get to knowing of God is not the same as knowing him.

00:53:57.679 --> 00:53:58.000
Right.

00:53:58.239 --> 00:54:01.360
And the only way I'm gonna get to know him is by spending time with him.

00:54:01.519 --> 00:54:02.639
It's just like with my wife.

00:54:02.719 --> 00:54:03.280
Yeah.

00:54:03.599 --> 00:54:07.280
And how we came together, I didn't just automatically know her.

00:54:07.360 --> 00:54:07.519
Right.

00:54:07.679 --> 00:54:10.079
We had to spend time together to get to know each other.

00:54:10.159 --> 00:54:11.280
And that's what God wants.

00:54:11.440 --> 00:54:16.079
He says, come to me and talk to me and let me spend time within you, spend time with me.

00:54:16.239 --> 00:54:17.440
He said, Don't talk.

00:54:17.679 --> 00:54:18.800
Don't talk with me.

00:54:18.960 --> 00:54:19.199
Talk.

00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:20.079
Don't talk at me.

00:54:20.159 --> 00:54:21.199
He says, talk with me.

00:54:21.280 --> 00:54:21.519
Yeah.

00:54:21.760 --> 00:54:22.079
You know?

00:54:22.159 --> 00:54:22.400
Yeah.

00:54:22.559 --> 00:54:33.199
And so uh even this morning I was encouraged, it's like, and I felt like a shift for me because I was able to share with my mother some things that I had bottled up.

00:54:33.519 --> 00:54:45.119
And now I feel that I'm ready to, despite I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring, but the word of God says, with God, all things are possible.

00:54:45.280 --> 00:54:51.199
And not to just say it, Chris, but believe because the word of God is active, it is alive.

00:54:51.280 --> 00:54:55.599
And if I truly believe that I'm gonna hold on to the word of God, I'm gonna hold on to the promises of God.

00:54:55.679 --> 00:54:59.920
I'm like, God, this is what you have said, and this is what you said you would do.

00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.440
You said you would never leave me.

00:55:02.159 --> 00:55:04.079
You would never forsake me.

00:55:04.880 --> 00:55:09.360
Even if people do, God said he would never leave me nor forsake me.

00:55:09.440 --> 00:55:10.960
So that those promises.

00:55:11.360 --> 00:55:12.239
You can lean into those.

00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:13.280
I can lean into those.

00:55:13.360 --> 00:55:15.280
They strengthen me, they encourage me.

00:55:15.440 --> 00:55:22.000
The body of believers, the church, the church family encourages me to just continue going on, Chris.

00:55:22.159 --> 00:55:22.400
Yeah.

00:55:22.559 --> 00:55:28.239
So this the Nigerian mom, is she from Nigerian descent and lives in the US or actually lives in Nigeria?

00:55:28.559 --> 00:55:29.920
She's from Nigeria.

00:55:30.079 --> 00:55:30.320
Okay.

00:55:30.480 --> 00:55:32.639
And I just reached out to her this morning.

00:55:32.719 --> 00:55:38.800
And she reached out to me last week as a mother because I was feeling bad because I wasn't out there.

00:55:39.039 --> 00:55:41.840
I wasn't able to run because my knee is hurting.

00:55:41.920 --> 00:55:45.519
And she noticed something on a picture, video that my wife sent her.

00:55:45.599 --> 00:55:51.199
And in a loving way, she says, My son, have you stopped exercising?

00:55:51.599 --> 00:55:53.840
She said, you're putting on weight.

00:55:53.920 --> 00:55:54.079
Yeah.

00:55:54.239 --> 00:55:56.000
And it's it's not healthy.

00:55:56.559 --> 00:56:03.519
Because we have a tendency, I have a tendency, we want to give God the praise and glorify him in so many ways.

00:56:03.679 --> 00:56:07.440
But I'm sure I'm supposed to also glorify him with how I take care of my body.

00:56:07.519 --> 00:56:07.760
Yeah.

00:56:07.920 --> 00:56:09.840
And that's what my mother was telling me.

00:56:10.079 --> 00:56:13.119
You need to take better care of your physical health.

00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:13.840
It's beautiful.

00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:21.039
And what you're putting into your body because you're supposed to let God be the Lord over everything concerning you.

00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:23.199
That's so good, Kenneth.

00:56:23.360 --> 00:56:23.599
Yes.

00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:28.480
I think we can all, especially on the food aspect, lean into that one a little bit.

00:56:28.639 --> 00:56:29.440
That's really good.

00:56:29.599 --> 00:56:29.920
All right.

00:56:30.159 --> 00:56:33.280
So after all this, you can say that God is good.

00:56:33.360 --> 00:56:33.519
Yes.

00:56:35.760 --> 00:56:38.400
I listened to one of your podcasts.

00:56:38.559 --> 00:56:42.159
Um, I think it was early today, and the title was God is good.

00:56:43.280 --> 00:56:50.079
And I listened to it, and I'm like, we have a tendency to say God is good, and all the time God is good.

00:56:50.960 --> 00:56:55.360
I say, and I was asking myself, well, do you do you really believe God is good?

00:56:55.519 --> 00:56:55.679
Yeah.

00:56:55.760 --> 00:56:57.119
And I say, yes, God is good.

00:56:57.280 --> 00:56:57.440
Yeah.

00:56:57.679 --> 00:57:00.079
And all the time He is, you know?

00:57:00.400 --> 00:57:01.280
I love that.

00:57:01.440 --> 00:57:05.840
And I feel like if you someone's probably right now, they're going through something.

00:57:06.079 --> 00:57:11.679
They're they're um they're single, they want to be married, that it doesn't look like it's gonna happen.

00:57:11.760 --> 00:57:16.000
They're they're they have they want a child that's not happening.

00:57:16.239 --> 00:57:21.519
They're they're sitting on the precipice of death in some in some form or some sickness.

00:57:21.840 --> 00:57:32.079
What wisdom, after all you've been through, would you want to pass on to someone that's just right in that midst of the struggle, no matter what kind of struggle it is?

00:57:34.320 --> 00:57:34.960
Thank you.

00:57:36.719 --> 00:57:46.079
I would say, especially when it comes to this this perception of that people can have about God, or why would a got a loving God allow this?

00:57:46.159 --> 00:57:46.320
Yeah.

00:57:46.480 --> 00:57:48.719
Or why would a loving God allow that?

00:57:48.960 --> 00:58:04.960
And I always point back to what what he did for me, and that and when even when people will say, Well, well, I don't believe in your God, and I would like, have you even given him a chance?

00:58:06.880 --> 00:58:09.440
Just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean it's not true.

00:58:09.679 --> 00:58:10.079
That's right.

00:58:10.400 --> 00:58:13.199
Have you given God just an opportunity?

00:58:13.920 --> 00:58:35.679
I would say, just no matter where you're at in life or what you're dealing with, if you would just come to God and just with whatever hang-ups, hiccups, whatever it is, struggles that you're facing or dealing with, just give him a try.

00:58:37.039 --> 00:58:52.239
And it may not instantaneously things change, but if we just trust him and give him an opportunity, he'll he'll transform you.

00:58:52.480 --> 00:59:14.880
Oh, and that's the and that's the thing I want to get out of everything that I've gone through, the intimacy and being transformed to to just be almost like a a walking Jesus on the earth to let people know that in the word of God, Jeremiah says, I'm the God of all flesh.

00:59:15.039 --> 00:59:16.639
Is there anything too hard for me?

00:59:17.199 --> 00:59:19.760
And I said, Absolutely nothing is too hard for you, God.

00:59:20.400 --> 00:59:24.400
And I would tell people, God can do anything and everything but fail.

00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:29.679
I can fail you, people will fail you, but God can never fail you.

00:59:29.920 --> 00:59:31.760
Just give them a chance, give them a try.

00:59:32.079 --> 00:59:41.360
All right, would you mind praying just for listeners out there, just specifically for those who are dealing with death and the sadness uh that comes with that?

00:59:41.440 --> 00:59:42.320
Would you pray for that?

00:59:43.280 --> 00:59:54.480
Um, right now, whoever may be listening uh to this, um I I'm just I'm just a voice.

00:59:55.360 --> 00:59:59.840
And I will say no matter what you're going through, no matter what you experience.

01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:04.400
Experiencing the pain, the hurt, the tragedy, the grief.

01:00:05.519 --> 01:00:07.039
That God loves you.

01:00:08.559 --> 01:00:14.239
He loves you more than you could know than I could know.

01:00:14.800 --> 01:00:16.559
His love is never ending.

01:00:18.960 --> 01:00:21.760
He's ready to meet you right where you are.

01:00:22.079 --> 01:00:29.280
And that you don't have to change anything about what you feel or what you have done or what you are going through.

01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:31.039
God loves you.

01:00:31.599 --> 01:00:36.480
There's nothing that you can do, I can do, we can do, that can change his love.

01:00:42.480 --> 01:00:45.360
And he loves you so, so much.

01:00:46.800 --> 01:00:48.400
Come to him, give him a try.

01:00:48.480 --> 01:00:51.679
Give him an opportunity to love on you.

01:00:52.239 --> 01:00:55.280
Because he's able to meet you right where you're at.

01:00:56.800 --> 01:01:02.880
I pray that whatever you're going through, whatever you're feeling, to just give God a try.

01:01:03.519 --> 01:01:08.079
You know, because he loves you so much and he wants to have a relationship with you.

01:01:08.320 --> 01:01:09.760
And he'll be right there with you.

01:01:09.840 --> 01:01:12.000
He won't leave you, he won't forsake you.

01:01:12.239 --> 01:01:13.440
He promised it.

01:01:13.599 --> 01:01:21.760
And I believe what the word of God has promised, that what he has promised, he is faithful to do because he's God.

01:01:21.920 --> 01:01:26.000
He's bigger, he's better than anything we deal with or go through.

01:01:26.239 --> 01:01:28.960
And his love for you is never ending.

01:01:29.039 --> 01:01:31.119
And I pray all this in Jesus' name.

01:01:31.360 --> 01:01:31.679
Amen.

01:01:32.400 --> 01:01:34.000
Hey, thanks so much for watching.

01:01:34.079 --> 01:01:38.159
Uh, if you got any questions, you can text at 737 231 0605.

01:01:38.239 --> 01:01:39.039
We'd love to hear from you.

01:01:39.119 --> 01:01:42.800
We can be bringing Kenneth back and hear more about what that's like.

01:01:43.039 --> 01:01:46.000
But from our house to yours, have an awesome week.

01:01:46.159 --> 01:01:46.320
Okay.